So today I got to see a wonderful psychologist. Her name is Patti and she works at the Transgender Institute of Kansas City. She was very sweet and nice and wonderful to chat to. We talked about ya know.. stuff you would think about talking about. My background, family, spouse and so on. Everything went wonderfully.
She scheduled me for my next apt on Tuesday of next week and gave me some homework. I have to write a autobiography. Well good news is I got most of it done today. Sadly I can’t really remember jack about my childhood besides random events ect. I honestly can’t remember how I felt towards a lot of things at all until about 14 or 15. So I’ve enlisted my family members to see if they can help. So just waiting on some replies from them. She also said that once I bring that in she can issue me my letter for testosterone! I’m so very excited!
I’ll be going in tomorrow morning for a blood draw to get a full lab work done and things tested. My primary doctor is willing to work with me and help me get testosterone ordered and all. So crossing fingers the lab won’t take forever to get back to her. Really hoping I can start T sometime by the 2nd week of February! Happy Valentine’s to me ❤
So super pumped and excited! Finally just feeling like I have pushed down some barriers in my life that needed to be down years ago. Feeling confident and good about my self for the first time in so very long.
For the past at least 3 years, I’ve slowly created this wall around me. Emotionally, physically, and socially. Honestly I’ve been depressed. I’ve been so stressed out I used to have at least 5 panic attacks a week. And I’m not talking my heart fluttering. I’m talking full blown, body shaking, dizzy, hands cold as ice, heart racing panic attacks. And it’s so destructive, mentally and physically.
Now don’t get me wrong. Ever since I’ve come out, I’ve faced each new day with a knot in my stomach that feels like 50lbs of nerves bundled up in there. I won’t say I’m not on edge because I totally am. But it’s a different kind of edge. A giddy, excited like Christmas morning edge. One that makes you want to find an empty room and squeal, scream and cry with joy kind of energy. It would be weird, but I just want to hug everyone. I can’t literally express to anyone how happy and lucky I am. I just can’t. The words are not there. I’m so very very grateful for having so many understanding and supportive people behind me. I wish I could share this with everyone.
So that pretty much sums up my wonderful day. Still waiting on the binder. Been over a week now since it’s shipped. Cross fingers it gets here soon. Everyday I’m getting even more anxious and it’s driving me bonkers.
I hope everyone has a wonderful night and an even better tomorrow ❤