Morning ramblings

Possible trigger warning: Body parts

Next week on the 7th will be my 8 week mark since starting T and I thought I’d just kind of talk about some changes I’ve noticed mentally and physically and some changes being made family side.

As of right now, my voice has dropped at least an octave and is sounding pretty good. On a good day my husband remarks that it’s getting to be with in range of a male which makes me pretty happy. On a croaky day I’ll get various pitches going on and those days we laugh about it. It’s fascinating hearing the differences. I’ll post 2 links down at the bottom of the journal of voice recordings I’ve done to document the changes. I was actually surprised my voice started dropping so soon. I was expecting it to take 2-3 months before I saw any change there but I’m totally not complaining haha.

As for what’s going on downstairs, everything seems to be right on track. I’m definitely bigger than pre-T. I haven’t measured and I didn’t take any pictures of before and after, though I kinda wish I would of just for giggles sake but even husband can tell the difference. Early on last month when I really started only wearing sports bras daily around my house(which I’m at most days since I work from home) I had gotten an abscess on my left breast, which thankfully I had antibiotics still left over which seemed to clear it up fairly ok. Though I’m noticing other random spots that have started to look iffy around the same area which bothers me. I get dysphoric thinking of wearing a normal bra and refuse to do it, but I can’t go without one either because the feeling of my chest touching/moving really sets me off as well. And wearing my binder all day just isn’t really an option because it becomes very uncomfortable when just sitting at my desk working.

The fact of thinking that top surgery is soooo far away from me right now upsets me a lot actually. I thought I’d be a bit more tolerant and just wait patiently but then I think, I’ve waited years with these things sitting on my chest. And I still have to deal with it now for who knows how long. We just aren’t in a favorable financial area in our lives enough to save up for something like this and my insurance strictly won’t pay for it so I’m left waiting. I’m just hoping I can keep wearing this sports bra for now without getting more of these issues.

Mentally speaking, it’s kind of a roller coaster since everything takes time. Right now my husband and I are working on my parental pronouns with my two children. I decided that this would just be much easier early on, especially in public if I am going stealth, to start doing this now. I at first had no qualms with my children calling me mom, but as time passed and I started noticing changes, the urge to try and shift to match really became almost unbearable. My 7 year old daughter has seemed to change and even corrects her self and that makes me incredibly happy that she’s on board. My 4 year old son is still getting there but hey, he’s 4 lol. I came to this realization that as much as I don’t want to upset my family dynamic, it’s going to happen anyways since the world we live in is full of labels, judgement and so on. I can’t protect my children from everything but I can try and teach them the values needed to be tolerant, accepting and loving and cross my fingers that when they are older they become decent good people.

As for all the other little things, I’ve been eyeing getting a packer/stp combo. Since I had such a very sour experience from peecock products I won’t be ordering from them again so I’ve been looking elsewhere and found this site(that’s actually kind of confusing) but seems to make quality packer/stps that I’m tempted to order from. I have a pretty bad bottom dysphoria going on and would really like to give standing to pee a chance. Also been discussing possibly the option of pumping. Husband is kind of leery of that one so I’ve left the notion on the table for now since I don’t have a massive urge to do it just yet but it’s still a viable option later on.

Well, that’s really it for now. I haven’t noticed much else. I actually picked up shaving my face every few days just to get some practice in for hopefully when some facial hair starts to come in. *crosses fingers*

Also, here is my voice recordings, I play Second Life every now and then so used that as kind of a theme for my recordings. 

Also have an updated photo of me for shits and giggles!

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