Cat is out of the bag.

So had a 3 hour long chat with my dad yesterday when I went to visit with him.

Covered all sorts of topics from family, to sexuality, drinking, ect. Pretty good chat for the most part. Bit heated on some topics. He brought up the fact he talked to my grandmother(the grandparents who hadn’t known I was trans yet.) I was planning on telling them through a letter, that way I could get everything off my brain in a more neater format instead of attempting to converse in person or over the phone because I’m horrid at forming sentences that don’t drag the hell on about pointless crap.

He told me he told her about me and me being ftm and all that. Said she didn’t have a qualm with it but didn’t necessarily condone it. But bitched more that I don’t call just to chat. And to be fair, I don’t call anyone JUST to chat. I’m the pure definition of introvert. I dread picking up a phone and being stuck to it for over 30 minutes. In fact I’m more inclined not to chat most days now because it strains the crap out of my vocal cords. I was squeaking so much during the 3 hours talking with my dad I felt so dumb.

So of course now I’m resolved to bend over and speak to my hypocrite, religious, homophobic grandmother now just to appease and fix the situation because she won’t either know jack about actual transgender or she has all the wrong information on it. 

Not to mention my father is still in the, “I’m not accepting the fact you’re my son. You’re my daughter and still a girl until you have a penis attached to you and I refuse to use pronouns and your new name ect” And I know it’s not out of spite or hate? But it’s just pure denial. Change like this doesn’t come easy and I understand both sides of the coin here. I know it’ll take time. I told him he has to morn that part of me. It’s gone and I’m not sorry about it. I’m 1000 times happier. My marriage and husband are better. My relationship with my children is becoming better. I’m not depressed, suicidal, and all around the worst person to be around anymore. 

I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that I really have only 3 people’s opinions I take to heart anymore and that’s my husband’s and my kids. I live on my own, I really don’t have any close rl friends, most of my family I don’t even speak to let alone hang out and see 95% of the time. So I really could care less what they think about this. They all know I’m an open book and have an open door policy. They have questions, they can come talk to me about it. Other than that, I’m leaving it to their own time to deal with it.

So, that’s my little blurb for the day. Feeling pretty good otherwise. We’ll see where everyone is at come the end of the year. Hopefully in a better place.


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