I’m going to preface this with the short end of the story. 2 weeks ago my dad outed me to his parents who just happen to be homophobic, bigoted, religious people who hate change. My daughter visits them every weekend because up until recently we hadn’t had too many issues. But since the cat is out of the bag, well.. today happened.
So i had a chat with my daughter after an incident that arose today. She understands completely what’s going on but that doesn’t stop me from being utterly pissed the hell off.
It’s been about 2 weeks now since I was outted to my grandparents. I had a small chat with Anjerial on some things ect. things were going ok until my grandfather visited today to drop her off and brought up the fact that he thinks my transition might be hurting my daughter. Uhm… no?
I’ll paint the 2 sided picture I got today.
-Grandpa says he took her to the park and said when it was time to go he remarked,” Ok time to go home to see Hex and Dustin” and my daughter replies with, ” Don’t say Hex that makes me feel embarrassed.”
So we ask Anjerial, while my grandpa ran around the corner to grab transmission fluid for the van we’ve been borrowing since our car is in the shop atm, why does it embarrass you when they say my new name?
She says she feels bad when grandma and grandpa say it because they only say it when they are mad and saying bad things about my husband and I. And then use my birth name when they aren’t mad.
Ok that makes sense. My grandparents have turned my new name into a new swear word around their house. Wonderful. /end sarcasm
So I bring that up to my grandpa when he returns and he flat out calls my daughter a liar and she’s just confused. I offered 4 times before he left my house to have a sit down and chat with him and my grandma about all of this. Every single time he said no or changed the subject.
I’m scheduling a therapist apt for my daughter this month some time so she can talk to a gender specialist about her feelings on all of this, with me not in the room and maybe take a 3rd person point of view perspective instead. But I’m 100% decided she won’t be going back for a long while.
I offered to help clear this matter up and inform my grandparents. I’ve done so with my daughter and she’s in pretty good understanding about all of it and is ok with it. The issue then there lies that every time she goes over there, my grandparents literally have turned me into a negative being. And what 7 year old isn’t going to feel great about hearing her parents be degraded in front of them.
This was my last straw. I put up with their crap for many many years. But I will NOT have them mentally fuck up my daughter. I was hoping this wouldn’t come to where it was. I crossed my fingers, and hoped that maybe they wouldn’t do this to her since they “Care” so much about her. I tried. I really did. And I was proven right in the end.
I didn’t want to be proven right but I can’t stand to see her come home every weekend and feel ashamed about who her parents are. Or go all week and feel suppressed, like it’s a sin to say who I am. I can’t watch her suffer like that.