You’d figure once someone says they are supportive of you, and started using at least your correct name when addressing you, they’d continue doing just that. Alas though, I was proven wrong in that assumption. As of lately my father especially, has begun to just go back to my old name and pronouns. Ignoring the fact that my daughter, husband and brother all tried correcting him last night. It’s pretty frustrating to hear your parent do that to you. It’s demeaning and makes me feel awkward.
I understand that in some points, my transition can come off as seemingly a selfish act that I am doing onto others. Making them use new pronouns and a new name. Moving them away from ponouns that they fell into a habit of using since I was born. I get that. But I urge you to look on the other side of that coin. If you can’t be healthy and take care of yourself mentally and physically, then you can’t even begin to take care of anyone else. You can’t function. If you have family and friends around you that always say, “I wish I could do something to make you feel better.” well, here is their opportunity. And many miss this point. Everyone around you has the power to make this transition better. They have the chance to make you feel whole and happy. When you love someone, isn’t that the point? To help them feel better when they are down and depressed? You’d be surprised how just using the right pronouns can be the biggest medication on some days.
I understand making minor mistakes as you try and adjust to the situation. Even going so far to fix the issue and continue to fix it would be more helpful than just blatantly ignoring it. I’m pretty disappointed in my dad. He finally started at least using my new name and avoided using pronouns. At least that was some sort of progression in all of this. But now I feel like we’re right back to square one. Ignore the elephant in the room and while you’re at it, make it feel like crap too.
I have to give some credit to my grandfather though. He’s been very good at using my new name and pronouns and even corrects himself now. Which is leaps and bounds from just a month ago. I understand he could just be doing it so he can see his grand kids more often because I had restricted it before hand. But at least it shows he’s willing to try. I have yet to speak to my grandmother but reports from my daughter at least suggest they are no longer speaking ill of me around her.
I suppose on the other side of understanding things, I can see that some will take longer than others to adjust. Eventually everyone will have to cave in and face up to this. I’m not going to stop changing. I came into this world as a female and I’m going to leave it as a male. And I won’t be the one who looks weird when they are still using my old pronouns and name in public and I’m obviously and clearly a male. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve tried helping and talking about this to them. I’ve offered to point them to parent support groups for people with transgendered children. But I quickly get ignored or the topic is changed even before I can finish a sentence. I can’t help those who don’t want help.
So on an ending note my 4th of July was ok. My kids had fun and ultimately that made the night. Hearing them giggle and excited about playing with sparklers and watching everyone set off fire works.
I’ll continue to try and be patient with everyone. I don’t know how long my patience will last but I can at least say I tried.