9 months and Some Reflection

As of today I am 9 and a half months on HRT so far. It’s been a journey to say the least. I’ve learned some things about my self, people around me, about the community and the world.

I sit here today though, thinking about the upcoming holiday here in the States, Thanksgiving. A time where I used to be excited to see all of my family, my cousins, my grandparents. Eating great food, playing games, catching up and maybe even taking a nap.
Those times have since passed on as the years waned. Families changing, growing, schedules shifting and so on. I now am left a bit more empty when it comes to holidays this year even more so than before.

My transition has caused rifts in my family and even my husband’s. With what seemed like in the beginning a wonderful thing people had me to believe they were comfortable with has turned into me talking to their backside. Reason out the window, logic out the window. Won’t listen to the person who knows more about all this than they do.
It’s frustrating to me because people have such twisted views on gender when it’s nothing to fret about. It’s not changing their lives, in fact this could be taken as an opportunity to expand your thinking on the subject. Learn something new and grow.

Instead I look at this situation now, this holiday and I ask, who am I harming? Instead of traveling to multiple houses this year like always, we will be visiting just one. I am eternally grateful that my mother’s side of the family has tried their hardest to include me, accept me and keep taking me in, growing with me. They are all I really have left besides my husband and children.
My father and his parents have dynamically shut me out. The only reason they help me now is because of my children. I wasn’t even invited to their dinner this year. Which in all honesty, I am happy about. They constantly misgender me, mess up my name and are so stubborn. The added stress from being there wouldn’t be pleasant.

We also haven’t spoke to my husband’s family since earlier this year after a funeral happened. Once they got a good look at me in men’s clothes, beard and all I think they had enough. His mother exclaims she doesn’t want to have to explain my transition to her youngest daughter(Husband’s sister) and that it’ll be just too much on her young mind. I had to literally stop my self after typing that line because my eyes almost rolled back into my head from the ignorance it brought. I’m just going to say this to my readers, the younger the better.
You teach your children to be open and accepting and teach them about things like this, they won’t judge you. They won’t care. Because guess what? You taught them it’s ok. The older they get, the more impressions they get from this closed off world and then you have a harder chance to reach them. Don’t let your transphobia be the cause for more in the next generation. That’s all I’m saying.

So as I take a look now on future holidays, do I take it as I separated my children from their families for my life happiness? Or did I block them from people who would only dilute their understanding? Is it worth having family or just people in general around that cause you mental anguish? I don’t think it is. What’s a life living if you’re surrounded by toxic people?
From this, I suppose I am happy that I finally see this and will continue to stay positive. My children deserve being around positive people and they deserve happy parents.

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