Things you take for granted

Being in a mostly supportive family, surrounding my self with friends and peers that accept me for who I am and so on, kind of tends to blind you at some point so much so that when something hateful or mean comes out of left field you get this kind of wake up call again. The one where you come to realize you being trans hurts not only you, but the ones who care for you too and you’re left feeling like utter shit again.

I’ll elaborate. Husband’s grandfather has been ill for over a year. He was having strokes and his heath started to fail come the end of last year. We get a call from my father in law asking if husband wanted to visit him on Christmas with the kids but the exception was that I wasn’t allowed to come because I made his grandmother uncomfortable with me being trans. (I’ve never been denied entrance to their house in the last 12 years so this came outta no where) Husband obviously was upset a lot by this. He chose to decline and say he’d visit on another day seeing as Christmas was for family and if they weren’t going to include all of his family than he wasn’t coming. They settled with that and so he visited a week later. We get a call last Sunday morning that he had passed and so Dustin took off to mourn with his family. The funeral is tomorrow and I don’t think I’m invited to that either.

I’m left feeling bitter and angry. I knew that man too for the last 12 years of my life. I chatted with him, I got to know him. I enjoyed his company and he was a nice man. And now because I’m trans I didn’t even get to say my goodbyes. I get denied even comforting my husband because his grandmother couldn’t get past this part of me that hasn’t changed me 1 single bit but my appearance. The fuck.

I don’t have much more to say on the subject that isn’t vile or me taking my anger out further. I just am so angry not only because I wasn’t even given a chance to express my feelings as a human being but my husband is fucking stuck in the middle. Oh my grandfather died who I loved a ton and I’d love for my spouse to be there mourning with me together and I can’t even do that. I have to choose. (Well technically he didn’t have to because I told him his grandfather was more important than the petty shit his grandmother started but I digress) He felt it was a choice she confronted him with and that’s just the shittest thing you can do to someone. Choose your grandfather and us or your spouse of 12 years. Ffs. End rant.

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