You know when you’re sitting there and you take a moment to look back at what’s happened to get you to where you’re at right now and it all just leaves you kind of awe struck? That’s me currently.
It’ll be 2 years come February 11th since I started HRT. It’s now been 2 years since I came out to my husband and family. A lot has changed and not just appearance wise. My life has changed, my perspective has changed, my opinions and goals have changed. And change doesn’t have to be a bad thing either. I would say my changes have been for the better in most cases. Granted, the ability to be on the other side of the fence as far as being a minority leaves me bitter hearted and struggling. But the other changes have been for the better and I am thankful I took the steps needed to get to where I’m at today. I don’t regret my decision, I stand proud for it.
For those of you who are curious about the physical changes for a person on HRT for 2 years now, I’ll kind of do a run down but you can also check out my gallery to see the changes as well.
At the 2 year mark, my voice is still kinda going everywhere. It also didn’t help I was sick for a month straight with what had to be the worst head cold of my life. Lost my voice for a full week and a half, throat is still sore some days and my ears ache and it’s been going on 2 months now. But I will say my voice on average passes now most times over the phone and for sure in person. If you would of caught me last year that wouldn’t of been the case.
As far as things like muscle and body fat, everything seems to be in place. I still need to loose about 50lbs ideally but still not there.
Facial hair is alright. I wouldn’t say it’s where I want it to be by a long shot but I’m happy with what my genes gave me. I still have a baldish/thin spot under my chin but the middle of my chin is finally filling in. the sides are starting, very slowly, to grow up but around the rest of it, it’s still fairly thin. I tossed around the idea to use Rogaine and I have a bottle in my cabinet but I haven’t gotten to the point of using it daily.
As for everything else, such as top surgery plans and so forth go, I have none. We just don’t make enough to cover the Dr I want to see and getting to that point is going to take a long while. I want to save up, I do. But I have 2 children to take care of first. And their health and happiness will come before mine. I just have to keep avoiding the squealing happy men running rampant on my social media that get the chance to get it done instead. I get severely depressed and angry every single time I read a post about it.
So apart from all the physical changes at 2 years, the emotional ones I think are far greater. Daily I find my paranoia kicks in about my safety or I’ll see posts reminding me that my state doesn’t believe I’m a decent human being and that I’m some maniacal rapist who enjoys torturing people in public bathrooms and thus I don’t deserve even basic human rights. It’s stressful, it’s infuriating, it dumbfounds me.
The state of Missouri is so pretentious in their religious standing that I’m fearful of even getting a job. What’s the point? I could be fired and can’t do a damn thing about it.
I managed to finally secure health insurance over the market place this year and surprise surprise, none of them covered trans. Not a one. Oh their private insurance does, for a nice lump sum of $500+ a month, but forget it if you have to purchase publicly.
I’m actually pretty tempted for when I pay off our deductible, to start raising hell. I’ve spoken with a few people and I hope to get in contact soon with a LGBT lawyer who might have some insight into the process of fighting the company and the state. I’ll be damned if I don’t go down without a fight. I’m quite alright speaking my mind and I’ll do so if need be.
Aside from the blatant inequality I live in day to day, there isn’t much more to go on about. I know I don’t update very regularly and to be honest, I could if I wanted to turn this blog into a rally for rights informative thing. But I don’t. If you know a few LGBT people, especially T, you’ll already know the backwards and screwed up legislation. And if you don’t, a quick google search will inform you. Spamming here, what already countless blogs and news sites do, wouldn’t help. So for now I’ll keep it to strictly my life and how it all effects me.
I hope everyone has a great weekend. For giggles sake I’ll include my pre-T picture here and than one of me last week for fun comparison. Have a good one!