To the girl I still love.

It’s been 2 years since I started this journey. 2 years of becoming the person I was meant to be. The one I held in for so long, suffering in silence. The person I kept a secret, denied and made invisible. In the 2 years since letting this person go free, I have grown, become educated more so and finally am able to walk as upright as I can. I have found a voice with in myself that I didn’t think I had. I’ve found a new career to push towards and I’ve met amazing people along the way.
The girl I was born as is still there, nestled against my heart. She will never go away and I’m ok with that. She will forever be apart of myself even if my appearance says otherwise. I learned a lot from her in my life and she shaped me to who I am today. I hold no grudge for her holding me back for so long. She must of known that it was time for her to let go and move on.
I am and always was meant to be a man. My brain was born with that part saying so. Science hasn’t figured out why but I am ok not knowing.
I am grateful that in my life I get to walk and live as the man I was meant to be. My puzzle piece has been found.
I will keep growing, learning and moving forward. In another two years I will be further than I was today. I will not be stuck in the same place like I had been for so many years before.
To the past and younger me, it’s ok that we waited. It’s ok that you held me in for as long as you did. You had good reason to protect this part of us. I will be strong now for us both and will keep you on our journey for the rest of our days.

Thank you to every single person who believed in me even when you didn’t understand. No one is to blame for anything. You never lost that daughter, she’s still here, she just realized that /she/ was no longer able to go on as the way she was. I am not a monster, I am not a freak. I am a human being. I am a man and I will die that way. Be it that my appearance changed, the person inside is still the same, albeit the wiser now.
I’ll still love you, listen to you and care for you the same as before and I am eternally grateful to those who knew this and support me daily. Loosing a gender, while jarring as it can be, doesn’t have to be a funeral.
I hope one day people will see it as a celebration. Instead of grieving the loss, celebrate the new beginning. Rejoice that this person finally found their puzzle piece and hope for better days of happiness for them.


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