Drowning in the swamp

So I’ve been contemplating what to post here for about the last week as the dread keeps settling in as news articles clamor on top of one another on my feed.
It’s hard to put into words your anger and distress sometimes. I’ll try and not go on a full tirade as I’m sure a lot of you might feel the same way but I digress. This isn’t going to be easy for me.

As each day passes since the 1st of this year, I feel like I’m already drowning in this country. It’s not even the 20th yet and already I’m sick with anxiety, worry and thoughts of how to escape. Half baked plans of desperation, trying to find holes in the system so we can move before we’re completely stripped of our rights we’ve worked so hard to get.

The first strike: Health insurance in the state I’m in. We obviously had to sign up with the ACA again as none of our employers offer insurance. The issue with that is, our selection was cut in half and rates doubled. I couldn’t continue through United healthcare and had to find one that we could afford that had an obtainable deductible for us. We got stuck with Cigna for literally over double what we paid last year. Cigna doesn’t offer coverage for trans individuals. Plain and simple.
The exert from their 2017 exclusions: “Procedures, surgery or treatments to change characteristics of the body to those of the opposite sex including medical or psychological counseling and hormonal therapy in preparation for, or subsequent to, any such surgery. This also includes any medical, surgical or psychiatric treatment or study related to sex change.

I’m already fucked as far as my transition goes it seems. Feeling hopeless right off the bat this year, this wasn’t going to help my year off with a good note.
But then let’s add the syrup to the shit ice cream sundae and watch a Texas Federal judge block transperson’s rights the day before they’d fully take effect for the ACA!
Link: The BUZZ story

So that’s now 2 hits this first week. Oh and than you have Paul Ryan and the screwed assholes in congress who vow to repeal the whole damn ACA. Bam, 3 strikes we’re out.

What do you even do with this? I mean.. what can we do?

I sat and pondered this pretty much the last couple days. It’s only the 9th. 9 fucking days and I’ve watched my rights stripped and my health coverage go under fire.

Well, fuck it. I’m fighting. I’m not going down without a battle.
I happen to scroll past the Trans rights group on FB posting an article and I spoke up and commented. I’ve since then been in touch with a lady from PROMO and in the talks of trying to sort out the blatant discrimination in my healthcare.
I’ll be contacting Lambda Legal as well to see where and how far I can go.
Granted, I don’t have the funds at all to hire a lawyer. I’m living on a strict budget. So I suppose we’ll see. But if they find my case noteworthy enough to make waves, I’m gunning all the way. Court dates and all. I’m tired of sitting at home, watching as everything is set on fire around me, expecting others to make my and other’s ways in the world.

How can our legislation deny the AMA(American Medical Association), APA(American Psychological Association) and countless other accredited organizations? I know.. it’s a rhetorical question. These same people deny 98% of scientists on climate change. *Que eye roll x 1000*

As you can tell, I’ve hit my fuck this shit, mark and I’m fed up. Let’s cross fingers and hope I have some good news for once come soon.


When it comes crashing down.

I just looked back at my last post and feel like everything crashed down around me again. You know that excitement of the last post? It’s gone and I highly doubt it’s going to come back for many years now.

I didn’t update sooner, especially on my surgery part because a series of events took place on Oct 19th that sent me into a spiraling depression and I’m still stuck there. It’s like a nightmare I can’t wake from and with no end in sight.

So… I’ll try and keep this fairly short. I was denied my surgery. My surgeon sent in my paperwork and they denied it even though previously they told me otherwise.
I was told I’d have to appeal it and I was midway into that when I noticed an email from the marketplace saying my tax coverage is being lowered because my kids are on medicaid. Uh.. Wha??? So I spend two weeks trying to get a hold of the medicaid office to figure out what happened and to fix it.
By the time I got replies and a letter etc.. the damage had been done. My insurance company raised my rates, kicking my kids off the coverage and my deductible skyrocketed by $2,000. I called the market place and they had to redo an entire application for us and I was devastated. I told them just to cancel my insurance. There was no point in keeping it. It was back to useless for us again.

I cried so hard that day. I’ve been on the edge of suicidal and lingering on quitting everything. So.. surgery is now out the window for who knows how long.
And then.. the election happens.

I have spent the better part of it now arguing with people who think it’s ok to invalidate my fear.
I can’t write anymore on this. I’m terrified beyond belief right now, sad and depressed. I have no energy left in me to keep speaking to privileged deaf people.

I thought I’d update everyone over here though. No surgery. No insurance right now. Barely a will to live.


Started a new job, already outed.

Why can’t people just keep shit to themselves? Information that they had no right to even express to anyone else? Not even there for over a week and already half or more of the crew I work with knows I’m trans now all because the area manager/hiring manager decided to open his big mouth for no reason what so ever but to create that “shock” value.

And guess what’s happening now that they know? My shift leads are misgendering me. I get funny looks from people and I’m ignored. I’ve corrected them and am simply ignored. Couldn’t even make it a week without being outed. And of course my husband and family doesn’t understand. The anxiety I get from being disrespected and treated differently is through the roof. I just want to go to work, work and go home. No one needed to know I was trans in order for work to get done. But here I am.

Can you tell I’m angry? To those who read my entry about working last year at Coleman, you can already probably see the path this is going to head down to eventually. So guess what I’m doing this weekend? Applying for yet another job.

It’s already bad enough I have to pick up work on top of everything else going on in my life, just so I can pay to get my teeth fixed and save for top surgery, but to be treated like a walking freak along with it? Nope, not going to happen.

I noticed the Target in my city is hiring. Maybe I’ll get lucky. And this time if I get hired, I’m making it crystal clear, I don’t want to be outed. I want to be seen as the male I am. I want others to see the hard work I do and that’s it.

On a mild unrelated note, the psychologist I’ve seen now 3 times is either forgetting what mental disorders are, or hasn’t schooled herself in anything new in the last 5 years. I’ve been diagnoised with bipolar(in 2008) adhd(in early 2000’s) and severe anxiety disorder(this year). She seems to think, even though I have all the signs and symptoms of bipolar (at least a milder case of it) that instead it’s all just my adhd and I may not be bipolar! I’m face desking right now just fyi. Yes, anxiety/adhd/bipolar all have bounce off symptoms that can overlap into one another. It sucks that I suffer from a lot of the symptoms that all 3 disorders cause. So I get it, it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what’s causing what. But to just dismiss my 8 years of bipolar to shove it off onto my other disorder? That seems a bit wonky and ill informed.
Speaking she wants to put me on Adderall which isn’t great for bipolar or anxiety. Don’t get me wrong. The anxiety, a good chunk of it, is caused by the adhd. It’s a miracle I can get through these posts without shouting, “Squirrel!” 5 times and back pedaling the backspace key 50 million times. I know I suffer from the conditions. I’m ok to get medical help seeing as the “natural green” medicine isn’t available nor advised seeing as it comes with the 10 year jail sentence. It was just pretty frustrating hearing that from someone I had placed my trust in. And the thought of ditching her for someone else so soon, makes my stomach turn. It feels rude to me. I don’t want to be wishywashy.

So that was my day/week. I just needed to get that out of my head properly.
With so much of the bathroom rights things circle jerking my FB feed daily, a lot of people forget there are other hurdles transgenders have to face, such as being respected at work.

Some days are harder than others.

I try to keep this blog as transgender based as possible. Be it my struggles in an un-accepting world or directly coinciding with my transition medically, but some days it’s hard to not look past all of that and feel the need to share other aspects of my life.
I’m not just transgender. That sole thing doesn’t define me. I’m a parent, a husband, an artist. Someone who lives with struggles and dreams. I also live with mental disorders. Disorders that sometimes cripple my daily functions. Disorders I’m trying to treat so I can continue living a more improved life for not only myself but for my children and spouse.

I was hesitant on sharing this bit of information with the general public mainly because of the stigma that surrounds it. The whispers and assumptions people draw up to try and arm chair prescribe me a bit of their own advice. But honestly, I’ve moved past that phase of caring and paranoia. The more advanced medical science becomes the more we as human beings advance in our daily lives and the future. Some day I’d like to think the world I walk and live in has become more accepting of all things around us. Granted, I know there’s a lot of factors to play up to that point and by gods we all have to hit rock bottom before it gets to that point. I can still hope and dream though.
I’ll get to the meat of this post though and save you my rants about humanity for later.

I’m sure you’ve heard of the word depression. It seems to be a buzz word in conversations now a days, which is a good thing. Bi polar might be another maybe not so much talked about word that is out there along with many others as well. There may be confusion, misunderstanding, misinformation and the like about these words and others pertaining to mental disorders. So I’d like to clear up a few things from my perspective. From someone who suffers from these and more on a daily basis. I’m not a health professional. I’m not a psychologist, though that’s what I want to be later on in life. What you read from me, comes from me. Comes from a person who battles and lives with these disorders. You may relate to some of it, you may not. If you feel like sharing your story down below, I will say thank you for breaking that stigma that hangs around you and I every day.
Discussions and conversations are our biggest weapon against the fight and struggle we put up with daily. Getting others to understand that we suffer from a medical condition and how to help us.

Some days are harder than others. I live with Bi polar 2, which in it’s own self has a long list of side effects to which I’ll list in a bit. I also live with depression, severe anxiety, PTSD from emotional trauma, and ADHD (Yes adults deal with it as well)
“Is it easy?” you might ask. No, it isn’t. “Is there a cure?” No, there isn’t yet. “How do you live with these?” From day to day. “How can I help?”
By understanding that each person’s disorder is different for them, that being open minded, not jumping to conclusions and listening to the person and what they need is sometimes the best medicine there is. Shutting someone away because you choose not to understand or have patience with them is only furthering the same path we as humans have taken against anything we don’t understand since we’ve evolved to have functioning logical brains. We are smarter than that, we can be smarter than our past selves, I truly believe that.

So how exactly does my mental disorders hinder my days you might ask. Let’s take a look at my pattern of behavior real fast. Over a 6 month period I will suffer from insomnia for about a week or so. This hinders me being able to fall asleep until late nights up until around 4am. Than after a few days of falling asleep at 4am my body will do a shut down the next time I sleep and I won’t be able to be roused easily before 8am (when my children get up and ready for school) so my husband and roommate have to help them instead. I can sleep in hard sleep mode for anywhere from 8 to 12 hours and if I wake up before the 8 I feel extremely groggy, jumbled, forgetful and agitated the rest of that day. After 3 or so days of that and trying to keep up with the living day world, I’ll start to spiral.
My anxiety will peak higher than normal. I will have panic attacks more and more often(the fight or flight response. Elevated heart rate, sweating, light headed, adrenaline rush, pit of stomach feeling.) Anything can trigger this and I’m usually more on edge. As the days go on I’ll become overwhelmed, exhausted more easily, paranoid about a lot of things and my mood swings can set in. At this point I’m so stressed from everything I might blow up at the nearest person. If that happens I hit a rock bottom response where I can feel suicidal, depressed, lack motivation and I’ll wall my self shut of emotion. I may eat way less, not want to leave my house, talk to anyone and the list goes on. This pattern persists over the course of sometimes a month to six. If we have financial trouble or something unexpected pops up, it worsens.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do have good days in there. I try my very best to have more good than bad. In fact I’ve sought out counseling sessions just recently and looking at medication as an option finally to help ease my anxiety, insomnia and depression. I want to have good days. Who wants to sit at home, looking at the clock and it’s only 3pm and you’ve been awake since only 11am and you feel like you are ready to go back to bed because the overwhelming stone pit in your stomach says so? No one that’s who, me included.

I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want apologies. You, nor I have nothing to apologize over. Medically there is something going on in my brain chemistry that has forever effected me since the day I was born. You can’t help that you have the color eyes you do and I can’t help the fact I have a mental disorder or that I’m trans on top of it all. It’s that simple. I just want people to understand that it literally comes down to that above sentence. If there was a pill to ‘correct or cure’ these disorders I’d take it tomorrow and never look back. But just as anything we’re born with that we don’t like about ourselves, we have to find means to handle and deal with them our own way. I thought for the last 12 years of my life I’d be ok without medication. And for a while I was. But my symptoms have not improved and for my self personally I’m seeking treatment. Does that make me better than someone else? Hell no. It makes me self aware of my own boundaries and limitations. That’s it. There’s no further commentary needed on my end.

Will I become an out spoken advocate for therapy and medicine? Not really. If you or someone you know is suffering from a mental disorder and their lives are being impacted by it, I would suggest at least seeking counsel with a medical professional to speak with. There is always a better way of going about doing things but just remember this, it varies from person to person. What works for me necessarily won’t work for you.

I will put a link here for those who are at that cliff in their lives right now or may be later on, that need this type of help. I know I did. I reached out because I had no one to speak to about what’s going on with me and they made me realize I really could use more help than I wanted to admit.
They have an online chat as well in case it’s hard for you to get the words to come out vocally like I do. I’m a much better organized mess so to speak when I can type it out rather than verbally convey it.

I’ll wrap this long winded post up now. I just felt that today, on a rainy Tuesday, I could help someone out there not feel so alone. I could open up this topic for discussion and maybe shed some light to those who hadn’t stopped to think about it.

Still alive. One fucked up year.

Not going to go diving into details but it’s been a roller coaster this year. Enough said there.

I figured I’d go ahead and update my blog seeing as I’ve let it severely slip. I wanted to touch base on a few things that happened to me transition wise though this year.

So during my messy life I ended up getting a few jobs over the summer from a staffing agency. One of which where I worked at Coleman in a distribution center. The job its self was pretty alright. Met an awesome friend and I enjoyed working there for the most part up until I came to realize everyone on my shift knew I was trans and I was working with 90% of backwoods people who were close minded christian. You can expect, of course, my soon comfy job become more of an example why I enjoyed working at home and hated this country. Two weeks in I get pulled back to the office by my supervisor and told that because of complaints I wasn’t allowed to use the men’s restroom anymore because my genitalia I was born with don’t match the restroom I was using. I was not happy. In fact I left early that night I was so angry. I refused to be segregated and they were refusing me my right to use a bathroom that I not only identify with but pass to use.
So the next day I called a few lawyers and my staffing agency about the issue and thankfully before work started that night, HR cleared up everything and I was cleared to use the men’s restroom again. I just personally want to thank OSHA for sending out the trans guidelines literally days before this went down or else I could of been looking at a lawsuit and no job.

But of course, there was drama. Always drama of self entitled old men who feel they can’t be held responsible for their thoughts or actions because a “vagina” was walking into their “private” space. Gods forbid. I’ll never understand this. It’s common sense. You feel you are unstable enough to not rape someone in a bathroom, you should seek mental help and remove yourself from that situation. Not remove the “threat” or “trap”. It’s that fucking simple.
So a week later I decided to switch job assignments because I was actually afraid of being jumped in the parking lot to my car.

A few job assignments later I said fuck the industry and leveled my life out again.

So yeah, work harassment is a thing people. Whispers get around. It’s absolutely vile and people wonder why a majority of transpersons are in the poverty level. Would you want to work in a place where you had to look over your shoulder all the time to make sure you weren’t going to be assaulted or raped? Would you want to stick out like a sore thumb after reporting your fears? Or worse yet, find your bosses don’t think any better of you either? We all have to make a wage and a living here. Why am I or others held to the same standard as everyone else but are beaten down when we try? The hypocrisy is real.

And to those who think having a transperson in your bathroom is a threat, please bring up the verified articles and police reports showing an actual transperson assaulting or raping someone in a bathroom. Good luck finding it. There hasn’t been a reported, verified case of it in the US. But on the other hand? Cis persons have done it to trans. Plenty of that out there though.
All we want to do is use the bathroom for it’s intended use. We all pee and poop. Every one of us and the general populace uses a toilet.
If your solution to this is to segregate us instead for your comfort, please seek the nearest history book and look up racial segregation. Because if it’s not because of our race, it’s because of our gender, sexual identity, religion, the list goes on. Quit trying to separate people into neat little boxes. We don’t need it. You my friend though could use to ask yourself some very deep questions as to why you’d need to feel comfortable separating yourself from other humans to get through your day and sleep at night.

There’s my rant for the day. I just had to get that off my chest. As a transperson my life is going to be filled with bullshit. Quit adding more onto my plate. That’s all I ask.

On a better note, got back with my Dr about my T and levels are getting better. No more shark weeks and I’m now getting .5c of T a week. I’m feeling much better now and my appearance has shifted back to what it was. So at least there’s that.

A year ahead

I’ve been contemplating on what to write for my year marker that passed a few days ago and it’s a lot of reflection to go through. I’m a bit late on my post as it seems life is taking a busy swing but here I am to finally ramble about my first year.

I crossed the year mark on Feb 10th for HRT and I’m ecstatic. It’s a moment in my life where, I’m now one year ahead of where I started out and it leaves me happy and hopeful to think of what there is still to come.

I figured I’d start by covering all the physical and emotional changes I’ve experienced so far in the past year. So here comes the list. (remember results may vary lol)

Hair: My hair over this past year has thinned a little bit on my head, my hair pattern and texture also changed and my hair line receded to give a more male look. Hair over my body has darkened and gotten thicker in areas (yes even my butt). Facial hair is still not as thick as I wish it would be but it’s improved a lot. I still have this bald spot under my chin and my cheeks haven’t quite caught up yet either. But I’m easily able to grow a full chin strap and even my mustache has started finally. (Pictures to come below)

Muscle: In the beginning I gained quite a bit of muscle especially on my upper body and legs. This is still there and if I actually worked out as much as I want to, my shoulders would be much broader than they are now lol. Muscles in my hands, feet and chest have also upped and shifted a bit as well, giving the appearance of male muscles.

Fat distribution and skin: I noticed about 9-10 months in my fat I was carrying on my sides and legs shifted slowly. I now have a gut and my hips are less prominent as they were before. My chest tissue and fat also shifted and caused it to slump down (I don’t wear my binder a lot so I’m going to guess this is caused by the shift) As for my face, not a lot has changed since the beginning months. I notice here and there my cheeks look a bit different or my eyes but that’s about it.
My skin has been really aggravating me as of late. I was placed on an oral antibiotic for my acne, which seemed to reduce some of the active heads I had but did not help clear up much at all. I know am experiencing a massive case of dry skin on my head and face too which is uncommon for me. I’ll actually be speaking to my dr about things to help alleviate this issue, as normal scrubbing only breaks and bleeds my skin. So as of right now I am still battling severe acne around my chest, shoulders and mid back.
As for the rest of my skin, it’s thinned out some and my skin texture has also changed from looking soft to more of a masculine look.

This last one has bugged me as it sounds nothing like I would like it to. My voice was steadily dropping more and more until September hit last year and it halted until recently in January. I have finally hit more male range when speaking on the phone now and being gendered correctly without me saying anything more now vs a few months ago but it’s not consistent and I think I sound more like an effeminate teen rather than a 28 year old man. I’m hoping time is the key to this and eventually it’ll keep dropping as time goes on.

Passing and the emotional side: You know, some days it still blows me away when I’m out in public and I’m gendered correctly. It catches my brain off guard because I try and not think about it much anymore. I was stressing my self out a lot every time I was leaving the house for a while there, trying to correct posture, voice, attitude, make sure my binder kept my chest flat enough. It was a constant battle trying to prove to everyone I was male. Finally I started just not caring. I stopped thinking about it and just did what I had to do and go on with my day. Granted I still catch my self when I’m standing and I correct my self (I’m so used to having my hands on my hips) or if I giggle, not to cover my mouth like a blushing girl etc. but most days now I do my business and it seems that that works best. My dysphoria also hasn’t been as bad, granted I had to stop reading a lot of FtM articles and groups because the amount of dysphoria it would give me hearing the same phrase over and over again, “I’m getting surgery!” would send me into an angered jealous frenzy. So that’s been a bit better now.

So with all of that out of the way, I thought I’d go ahead and update everyone on some changes that are going to be happening which has sent me into busy mode most days now. Husband is finally making more money at his jobs and we just got our 2nd car with our tax return. We’ll be moving housing here in the next 2 months if all things go to plan. We’re also moving in my 2 girlfriends. (Yes we’re poly/non religious) We’ll be leaving to head up to NJ in 2 weeks time to pick up one and than the other is expected to come early summer. On top of all of this, I’ll finally be putting in my name/gender change as soon as I obtain the correct letters which should be by the beginning of March. I’ll also be looking for a second job as well to help out with household funds. Busy busy indeed.

Oh and I’m also switching testosterone hopefully come Monday. I have been having increasingly bad anxiety with giving my self shots every 2 weeks so much so my heart rate jumps, I get light headed/dizzy and sick feeling. I don’t know why really this has started to happen except for the fact I’m just tired of stabbing my self. I don’t mind needles and if someone did it for me I don’t think I’d have this issue but the every 2 week stabbings is really grating on me (and hubs can’t even be in the room when I do my shots cause he hates needles that much so not an option)
I’ll be switching to Androgel if things go well (the daily application gel) and hoping that helps for now.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but now that we’re without health insurance (thank you to the state of Missouri for not passing the extended health care for your citizens) I have to pay out of pocket for my dr apps which sucks a ton. I’m thankfully seeing a new dr who gives discounts to transmen but I fear the lab works are going to be a drain. Crossing fingers that I might get a discount on that too. Androgel here is much more expensive (at least $100 a month from what I’m finding) but to me it’s worth it vs having a full fledged panic attack or worse.

Welp! I’m not rambling so I’m going to close this off and post some photos for anyone who wants to see the changes. It’s been a wonderful year as far as my transition goes and I’m looking forward to this year as well. Thank you to everyone who’s come around, commented and read my ramblings!

Pre T,  fresh and new.
Pre HRT (January 2014))
1 year on HRT (February 2015)
1 year on HRT (February 2015)

7 months so far

I noticed I had just passed my 7 month mark 5 days ago and thought I’d leave a update here since it’s been over a month.

So far body changes haven’t been going by leaps and bounds much anymore. Due to living situations and money restraints the whole gym membership idea has been put on hold. My stress and anxiety have been through the roof lately while dealing with landlord and pest issues coupled with the fact I’m trying to save enough money to move out.

I have noticed that my facial hair is coming in much more darker now and thicker. I’ve still got this weird patch under my chin that isn’t catching up as fast as I’d like but the middle of my chin finally is so that’s nice. Right side of my face is still lighter than the left but it’s much darker than it was a month ago. Also managed to do a few online surveys and get a couple Amazon giftcards saved up to help ease the cost of the trimmer I wanted and got that. It’s been nice to have around and works well.

My weight has been dropping slowly which has been a welcomed sight to see. I’m now hovering around mid 180’s which is a lot better than a few months ago.
My voice also seems to have dropped a bit more as well. Not a massive leap but enough. On the phone it’s now 50/50 misgendering and I’m 100% passing in public so far. At least I haven’t had anyone state otherwise.
I also managed to get a pump and have been using that regularly. I’ve noticed a very small change in the week and a half I’ve been using it but it’s nothing substantial yet.

As far as everything else goes, I have my doctor appointment moved into next month and plan to try and ask again about acne treatments. My acne has become hard to deal with now. It’s spread almost 75% of my back, causing painful situations and fear of even scratching without pain. My chest isn’t much better either and seems to only be getting worse. The acne is running deep and leaving larger pore openings and it’s worrying me a lot. I’ve already had 2 abscesses occur and certainly don’t want anymore.

I’ll leave you with a picture to emphasize what I’m talking about. All the marks on my back you see, is acne. https://www.dropbox.com/s/33bmkc7xtgqf6ms/2014-09-09%2018.07.24.jpg?dl=0

Dysphoria seems to be a whole other ballpark at this point in. While my passing in public has helped ease some of my paranoia, fear and anxiety, it’s now doubled in other areas. My chest seems to be one of my more worrying areas for me.
I wear a light cotton and mostly breathable sports bra pretty much 27/4 minus for when I take showers. I feel sick almost without it and since I can’t wear my binder all day every day since it makes the acne worse, I’m stuck with this option. And while it’s the better of the two, it’s still giving me fits of dysphoria. Either way I’m kind of SOL if you will.
Without the sports top, I get sick feeling when I feel my chest move. It’s not small enough I can magically forget about it and it’s large enough it has it’s own presence when not bound in some way. But on the same end, I wish for nothing more than not to have to wear something all the time besides just a shirt. And top surgery is not an option for me anytime soon due to financial reasons. So I’m stuck now in this emotional loop and nothing is helping to ease it. In fact, thinking more on it makes me livid just for the sheer fact of the situation I’m stuck in. The way the american medical systems work ect.

So there’s my life at 7 months on T. The changes have slowed down but now the dysphoria has seemed to kick in ten fold along with the acne.
I also wanted to stress that if anyone has any questions, please feel free to either comment or send me a message to my inbox. I’m open to answering anything that I am able to.
I’ve also been trying to keep up with my gallery, even if I don’t post as often. So make sure to check there if you’d like to see progress pictures.

Thanks for reading and have a good day!