I swear I haven’t forgotten that my blog still exists. I promise. Soooo many things have happened since my last entry that days and weeks have become a bit of a muddled blur. I’ll try and start off with what went on these past almost 2 months and try not to bore you.
After hitting my one year T anniversary, we started to make plans to move in my girlfriend from New Jersey. After planning and getting things done we headed up there the last week of February and did a over night grab and run. We got back home and she has settled in rather well. We now have 2 cars, income has gone up a bit, some sickness and couch time has passed and life is still going.
Most recently this past month, we’ve been house hunting to try and move from his dismal town home we’d been stuck in for the last 6 years that is partially funded by HUD. After 3 solid weeks of wanting to bash my head into my desk we managed to find a 3bdrm house about 10 minutes from where we are now. We’ll actually be putting down our first month rent this week and signing the lease. I can’t wait to have those keys in my hand. Life finally feels like it’s going in the right direction after back tracking for so long.
As for things transition related go, I have some stories to tell you! For one thing, I am not a fan so far of male doctors. For the last 3 weeks I had been having some kidney and bladder pains. Thinking I had a UTI (which is sadly common for me) I went ahead and nabbed a spot at my doctor’s urgent care after hours in the office. My doctor wasn’t working at that time but I thought since a decent amount of trans patients frequent the clinic I shouldn’t have too many issues.
I was so very wrong.
I pay my fee and get called back to do the usual scale, blood pressure, quick questions with the nurse. All is going well. I get in the room and soon the doctor comes in. Old, white, cismale, Russian doctor. Now I know my brain shouldn’t jump to conclusions but my stomach did. It felt like a rock got dropped into it as I watched him enter and him try to make a joke right off the bat.
Him: “Hello! How are you today?”
Me: (taking a typical knee jerk reply) “I’m ok”
Him: “Well why are you here if you’re ok?!”
Me: “laugh nervously, stammering, “Oh well.. I mean..”
Yeah so, that aside. We go through the usual questions. I tell him I believe I have a UTI. He turns and gives me an odd look and asks why I think I have one. I go on to say this is actually quite common for me and my kidneys/bladder had been hurting me. (This is the part where I hadn’t realized he didn’t look at my medical sheet at all. He genuinely thought I was a cismale through and through. And UTIs are NOT common for cismales)
He explains that IF I were to have one that the urine sample I gave should tell us in a few days and said he’d prescribe me a quick antibiotic for “just in case” and then proceeded to finally turn on his laptop to over look my medical file. This is where shit hits the fan.
After looking at my listed medications, which Testosterone is listed, he makes a remark about it saying I was on a significant dose. And I said yes, I’m seeing Dr Glass because I am a transmale. The look of partial mortification and then power shift was enough to make a cinema movie producer gasp.
The gears turning as soon as he realized that I had a vagina was immense. I’m not even exaggerating here. The look across his face was the most grossest thing I’d seen in a long while in person.
As he starts putting two and two together as to why I suspected my self of having a UTI and reconfirming that with me, he started to ask questions that made the hair on my neck stand to end and my blood pressure rise.
I shit you not the man asked five times all phrased differently on how I had sexual relations with my husband and how my vagina worked while I had sex with him. I was so mortified I just kept trying to stammer through the scientific answers in my head and just put it bluntly how it’s like every other one out there.
At one point the nurse came in to hand him some files and I swear when I locked eyes with her I was internally screaming for her to save me.
Finally after either mutely peaking his perverted interests or he finally had had enough of me, he recapped what I already knew about my antibiotics and then asked if I would remember all of that, cause ya know, I have a vagina now and apparently my memory also goes out the door. And told me I could leave.
As I’m exiting the door he whistles and does a finger curl as to motion me to this back door he was standing by. This is when the full frontal assault of a panic attack ensued. My head got so dizzy in those few seconds as images of him assaulting me or worse ripped through it.
Thankfully as I reached him he opened it and it was a quick way out of the office building, which I took and almost sprinted to my car. Thinking back on this though, it was a fleeting thought he could of been pushing me through the quick exit so no one in the waiting room would have to see my “transness” but alas, that’s my paranoia kicking in for that two cents as for all I could know he does that to every patient.
Needless to say the very next day I called up to the office manager and made a very stern complaint about my experiences. She tried to jest that he was asking about my sexual relations because sexually active women tend to get more UTIs as to which I had to explain over and over again that the more appropriate question would of been, “Are you sexually active?” and not what he said which was, “How do you have sex with your husband?”
Those are two entirely different questions and one was not even remotely appropriate! So she assured me she would have a talk with my regular Dr and see if some transfriendly talks could happen among the staff. I sure hope that they have because I honestly don’t ever want that to happen again.
Long story short, I did end up passing a kidney stone last week. That.. sucked ass. I’m ok though!
Now, onto the more lighter of transition news. I have been taken off the shots! This is a good thing for me I assure you. I spoke with my Dr about the severe anxiety I was having whilst giving my self my shots and we both agreed to try the gel instead. After some pharmacy confusion, some sneering phone tag between the Dr office and the pharmacy that compounds it, I finally got my two pumps of gel in the mail the very beginning of March. I can report that I LOVE the gel. Even if I have to apply it every day and wear a shirt to bed, I don’t even care. By the time I would prepare my self for my shots, 5 minutes had passed. By the time I was actually ready for the shot my hands would be shaking, sweating and I would be light headed and well into a mini panic attack.
With the gel, I lift my shirt up, one pump of gel goes to one side of my ribs and I do the same with the other. I fly around my shirt for a minute or so, wash my hands, place shirt down and done. I go to bed and I am the happiest man alive.
Though funny story. I don’t know if anyone else has experience in this and if you do, how the heck do you deal with this?! PMS sympathy pains! I thought my gel wasn’t working it got so bad! I haven’t lived with another matured women who had menses since I lived with my mother. I haven’t had a shark week in over a year now. When my girlfriend had hers this past month I thought I was going bonkers! I had every single symptom down to the hot flashes but with no red. I was about to call my Dr office and ask if maybe the gel wasn’t compounded strong enough I was that freaked out.
It has been a crazy 2 months people. And it’s only going to get a bit crazier. Since we’re looking at moving to the new house next week, I’m going to be busy packing like it’s no one’s business. Between that, getting the kids registered with the new school, me looking into getting my gender/name finally changed over so I can get a new ID and start looking into college, I’m not going to have much free time for anything. If I happen to fall behind here, I apologize. I will try and update as I get time. I hope everyone is well!
Who’d a thunk I’d be here after reading what I wrote just last January? Time flies when you love your self I guess. ❤
Have a good spring everyone and if you’ve made it this far, have a photo on me!